Sorry, it's been so long. I just realized I hadn't thought about it amidst all the glittery and bumpy days that went by. I wish I could tell you that I have been running unremittingly. Something inside doesn't sleep well, staying up with all the half-baked ideas. And when I fall asleep, I find myself at the bottom of the pit the next day. I closed my eyes, and all of a sudden, 10 years had gone by.
Apologize if I don't respond to your call. I realized I had nothing in everything, but never had everything in nothingness. You had me baffled when you said it was actually me all along who deviated from my own mind, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. And I'm constantly looking for a chiseled stone that says, "It is going to be alright". My grief flows in my blood like the old rum or fresh wine on a random Tuesday night. Then the guilt comes in paroxysm. Times when I realized all this blabbering for nothing but to vomit all my thoughts in the kitchen sink. Later, just to mull over what life has become.
Tracking the untuned radio in the garage to hear the static noise, and this is how life has been going on lately. Hollow, crackling, but quiet at times. Maybe someday I will open the pamphlet you gave me, but for now, I would like to die a little in my bed and ruminate, why it is raining in this room.
